10 weeks a Mommy

As of two days ago, Trevor turned 10 weeks. On one hand it's crazy to think how fast the time went, on the other, he's such a new little human still. I am loving being a mommy. Every second. I've become this brand new person because this little boy really knows how to bring out the best in me. When he wakes in the morning smiling and giggling at me, I can almost feel my insides warming up. He brings me more joy than, I believe, anything ever could. I adore my husband and am proud to say we are still incredibly in love, but this love is indescribable and beats any other feeling. 

So, right now Erik is away for training, leaving me to care for Trevor throughout the weeks by myself. While I would love for Erik to be back, this whole situation is surprisingly easy. Motherhood definitely came naturally to me; I don't ever feel stressed. He literally keeps me running with baby smiles and cuddles, despite my sleep deprivation. In fact, the reduction in my sleep has gotten easier. At first, it was like death - I could cry I was so tired, and sometimes did. Unfortunately, I'm not a napper, I just can't do it. But 10 weeks later, I'm able to function. However, my house does tend to suffer. Trevor would love nothing more than to be snuggled by Mommy 24/7 and while I adore his cuddles, I am an adult with other responsibilities (boo). A couple of days ago I made an upstairs and downstairs checklist. If I can manage to move Trevor after he falls asleep, I check a couple things off. Even if it's one to two things a day, it helps. Slowly my house is getting back in order. Now, I won't lie, if Erik was here it'd be SO much easier. I could be like, "here ya go," hand him the baby and get ish done.  In a perfect world I could just stick him in his Moby wrap and do everything needed, but anything that involves me bending over, putting my hands out directly in front of me or cleaning with chemicals is out of the question, so you can imagine the struggle. Having said all of that, I'd rather a messy house while being a good mommy. Once Erik is home though, I can do more which includes working out for more than 10 mins.

I have discovered some Mommy hacks. He loves his monkey bouncer and will watch the lights and listen to music outside of the shower for a pretty good amount of time. This is such a win. When he wakes for a feeding, I have to pump (which I do exclusively) so that takes some time, unless I had a bottle pre-pumped, which is rare. I've learned that if I snuggle him between my legs for the closeness and warmth then give him his pacifier, he will fall back asleep while I pump. Pumping takes 30-45 minutes, so it'd be hard if he was crying that entire time. Also, I can get a workout in of sorts, but it's with him. While he's in his Moby wrap, I can do squats, lunges, sumos, etc. I can also take him on a walk if it's nice, which he is loving, plus take Buster too so win, win. Basically, I'm learning to live every aspect of my life with a baby on my hip. Now, onto some Trevor stats.

10 weeks & 2 days old

No weight/height yet.

Smiles frequently and is laughing a little more, especially when I squeeze his thighs. Haha.

Is already teething! You can see the tooth just under the surface on the bottom and it causes him to drool and chew on his fingers.

Loves bath time now. He always giggles when I rub the soap on his belly.

Put him in a moving car or stroller and he is OUT.

He eats 3.5-4.5 oz at every feeding which was usually every two hours, but seems to be increasing to three.

He gives "boo boo lip" A LOT now. If he gets startled, someone starts talking that he wasn't expecting, if you blow raspberries on his cheeks, is held by someone then realizes they aren't mommy - you get the lip. It's adorable, but breaks my heart because I don't like to see him even a little upset. 

He loves looking at my IPad when I'm playing videos, skyping or just seeing himself on the front camera.

When he's somewhere that has an  intriguing environment he opens his eyes SUPER wide and looks crazy.

He wears 3 month clothing.

He HATES being swaddled.

Lastly, I  will be leaving Trevor for the first time ever, and it's overnight. Cue tears. The base where Erik is decided to close down EVERY TLF the week of Erik's graduation, and babies can't come to graduation, therefore I have nowhere for Trevor to be watched. My wonderful Kati boo offered to keep him overnight. I trust her fully, but the anxiety of it all makes me feel... well, anxious. I haven't left him with even his father, so I know it's going to be rough for me, but gotta start somewhere. Anyway, I babbled far too long. Until the next update ;)

Trevor's Birth Story

Trevor Lee Peterson

8 lbs 6 oz 20 inches

Born January 28, 2014 at 10:27 PM

After confirming that my water was broken, the midwives told me to call Bernhoven Hospital at 6:45 the next morning to get a time to come in for an induction. I called 6:45 on the dot and they told me that they were ready for me. I ran upstairs to tell Erik that it was time to go NOW! We rushed to get everything ready and left, nervous but excited. We were going to meet our son! Soon upon arrival, a nurse hooked me up to IVs and monitors for the baby's heart and my contractions. She didn't start pitocin yet and said we would monitor first. Turns out I had been having contractions but wasn't feeling them. She checked my cervix - 4 cm. 40% complete. Yes! We began pitocin and slowly I felt aches that were much like period cramps. They increased quickly and before I knew it, I was having to focus my energy into each spasm. Erik's hand became my only tool to get through them. I couldn't have relief though because my contractions were 1-2 minutes apart. Checked me again: 5 cm. That was it?! No. I kept on with no sign of relief in between contractions, until the midwife checked me at 5 cm again and I promptly asked for drugs. Maybe I moaned. Either way, I was rolled off with the nurse and Erik to get an epidural. It took FOREVER. With my contractions being so close, there was little time frame to stick a needle in my back, but we managed then I managed. I went from feeling like I was in a different universe, saying I would never have a kid again, to saying I would have another but only if an epidural was administered immediately. I was blissfully content. Not for long.

I HATED that I could feel nothing from my waist down. My legs couldn't move and I'm pretty sure if you'd stab one I wouldn't know. Let the TMI commence. I was pants and underwear-less under my blanket (no gowns here) and didn't have anything under my bottom, you know, to soak up all the blood and amniotic fluid that was leaking from me. I couldn't feel much, but I felt GROSS under those blankets. Could ya clean me up, people?! It gets worse. The lack of feeling meant a catheter (ok, cool) and an inability to stop farts. I have NEVER farted in front of Erik. We started dating in 2006. January 28, that all changed. I farted on the nurses when the turned me from side to side, when they checked my cervix, or really for any reason. I was mortified. Laughing it off made it worse because I would let out a stream of farts. Welp, if I'm going to have a fart fest in front of my husband, being in labor with his child is the best reason. But, it was the price to pay for no pain and TRUST ME, that wage is small. Things finally started to progress. 7 cm. 9 cm.

  Almost 10 cm. Why almost? There was a very small part of my cervix that wouldn't go away. Refused. We waited it out. Nothing.  We tried pushing. Go time!

 It was cut short. The nurse and midwife had the gynecologist come to check me but he wasn't impressed either. He said if I were to rupture that small part, I would bleed out, so he told us that c-section was our only option. I cried. I never thought that news would upset me like it did, but I was truly disappointed and thoroughly unprepared. I had hardly any time to think about it. We left Julia in the room to stand guard and we rolled me off to the OR, Erik following. I was given more lidocaine to numb my belly and started to violently shake like I were in a bath of ice. Some people react that way, but I hate it. I had no control over my legs nor my tremors. There were so many lights and people and I just kept shaking. I was ready to meet my son, but was nervous of everything that was to come. The anesthesiologist told me when the Incision was made and I told him that I did NOT want a play-by-play. I could feel the pressure and knew that there were hands inside of my belly. I had no pain, but the sensation was nauseating. Erik sat next to me, comforting me as my body shook. We waited what felt like forever. Why was this taking so long?! Well apparently (as we now know) I had a big baby and I'm a little girl. I didn't realize that made a difference with surgery, but it did, so we waited a seeming eternity before Erik said "OMG." "What?!" 

"He has a cone head!" (Like Erik did at birth) Seconds later, we heard the cries of our little boy as we welcomed him into this world. They swiftly took him to the table to my left and wiped him down, gave him an IV and weighed him. I sobbed. Erik cried. That was our baby! Erik cut the cord, they bundled him up and brought him to my face. He was perfect. Perfect. They had to take him away and told Erik to go with him. 

I'm glad he went because afterwards, my body wasn't having it. Apparently I had a fever, my blood pressure dropped and my uterus had ruptured causing me to lose 300 mL more blood than was usual (this part I didn't find out until recently). I was so nauseous and had to puke into a little cardboard thing next to my face. Not easy when you can't use your arms or move. The anesthesiologist comforted me the best he could while they took what felt like forever to sew me up. After some time to recover, I was rolled down to see my husband and new addition. When I arrived, Erik was holding Trevor was a big smile on his face. It was the most incredible feeling seeing my two boys there. He told me that Trevor was so strong and was rolling away from the nurses and kicking like crazy. That's my boy. We immediately tried to nurse, but had complications. I was told I had flat nipples which hindered a proper latch. They fed him formula and told me I would get a shield to out over my nipple so they baby could feed. We had to leave him for the night which saddened me, but I was ready for sleep so I could be ready for him the next day. We were told that Trevor would get antibiotics 3 times a day for 4 days because if my fever and the fact that my water had been broken over 12 hours prior to labor. It was purely precautionary, but I hated his bionic IV arm he had.

After some rest, they brought us to see our little boy and try nursing. I had some luck, but overall Trevor got really upset with the shield. I felt inadequate, but knew I'd keep trying. I came back later that day with the same results. Without my baby, I layed in the uncomfortable hospital bed with still no feeling in my lower half. I couldn't move much but I wanted so badly to leave. The next day we were able to have him in our room. Unfortunately, due to my immobility, I couldn't do much besides be a milk and cuddle machine. Nursing was still rough and I knew that Trevor wasn't getting what he needed (since I had a c-section, production was low). He screamed a lot and wouldn't sleep. I was so upset and felt that I was starving him and the nurses didn't care. Finally, after trial and error and my insistence, I pumped and fed Trevor what I could with a bottle and the rest was given to him in formula. He became much happier and started to sleep a bit better. I, however, was not sleeping. I had serious pain from my surgery and the pills weren't working. They gave me morphine. Nothing. Again. Nothing. Finally I asked if there was another way because the morphine had no effect on me. They brought me back to the OR and continue to give me medicine until pain was tolerable, then gave me a pump with a button to administer morphine to myself when I felt it was needed. It helped, but I was overall uncomfortable and needed to get away from needles, the language barrier and unanswered questions. They told me NOTHING about the surgery nor my recovery, so I was in the dark. The last day, my IVs were removed and I was able to get a shower. Then the best news, Trevor's blood work was back and he was good to go home. We were released January 31 and were finally parents all on our own.

Trevor consumes my every thought. He's incredible. He's the most amazing thing to ever grace our lives. We coo over him constantly, even when he's pooping. He's a great baby. He cried when he's hungry or when we are changing him. (Home boy hates to be naked.) Otherwise he gets milk drunk, gives us sweet gazes and snuggles. His snuggles are unlike anything, ever. Period. I like to just smell him and run my fingers across his chubby cheeks. I love to kiss them even more, as well his his fingers, toes, belly, etc. We are in love and there really isn't any way to describe it. You can't. You just have to experience it for yourself.

 I love you, Trevor Lee. I can't even imagine a life without you. Neither could Daddy. I look forward to each coming day. I especially look forward to healing so that I can do more, but you're sleeping a ton anyway! I think you're about to wake up from your nap because my boobs hurt (weird, right?) xoxo 

40 weeks & Baby Appointment Details

Here I am, I made it. Did I think I'd last this long? Hell no. I've been feeling like a beached whale. I can't sleep because I get so much pain, but none of the good labor pain. Not that the pain is good, but it's purpose is wonderful. So, I went into this appointment with some hope that I had progressed some. Well, I did, a whole whopping 1 centimeter. Sigh. Since she wanted me to be at least two, the midwife couldn't sweep my membranes to assist me. She scheduled me in for Wednesday to check me and try again. Then Friday (I'll be 41 weeks and 1 day) I will go to the hospital and they will check me and schedule induction. I seriously hope that all of this can be avoided and that Trevor decides to come soon without any intervention. Come on, Trev! So, I leave you with my 40 weeks stats.

How far along? 40 weeks

Total weight gain: 35 lbs

Stretch marks? I have become one big stretch mark.

Sleep? Hardly. I'm in a lot of pain on my hips and back at night. There isn't a comfortable position.

Best moment this week: reaching the end!

Miss Anything? Yes, but no use dwelling since I'll be able to do them again soon enough. (Hello putting on my own shoes!)

Movement? Often, but you can tell he's super cramped and has limited movement.

Food craving: seriously, everything right now. I'm so hungry and want so much.

Anything making you queasy or sick? No.

Labor signs: 1 cm dilated. That's it. Sigh.

Symptoms: irritable & anxious. Achy. Hungry.

Belly Button in or out? Flat. Super creepy.

Looking forward to: meeting my baby boy!!

Our Baby in Veggie/Fruit/Food Term? Watermelon. Newborn sized? Idk.

Underwhelmed

I am feeling thoroughly underwhelmed right now. I decided to do some baking (because I have cravings like you wouldn't believe) and I had a muffin and called it quits. Wasn't doing it for me. Plus, I just feel weird. I'm back to my belly getting tight and in return becoming nauseous. This is what I felt like the other day except the chest tightening was a little more prominent. Last time, Saturday I believe, I went to my midwife after having tightness below my chest, my belly becoming tight and nausea from morning until about 4 pm when I finally called. She took my blood pressure, measured my belly and even checked to see if I was dilated, which I sadly wasn't. She felt my belly while it was hardening and told me I was having contractions but it wasn't clear if they were BH or the real thing, but that I would know soon enough. Obviously, they were BH. Everyday since, my belly gets hard, but nothing else. Today, the tightness under my chest and the nausea are accompanying the contractions. I feel like my body is just screwing with me at this point and I'm just waiting and waiting. I finally understand that anxiety of the last couple weeks. Trevor is due in 9 days and I feel like it's an eternity away. It doesn't help that I need 5 pillows to help me catch some sleep, which is still interrupted by hip and pelvic aches and shortness of breath. Also, I'm starving, ALL THE TIME. Anyone else experience this at the end? I can't get full! If I do, I'm hungry a bit later. Doesn't matter what I'm eating and whether or not it's loaded with fiber and protein - I'm ravenous.  I mentioned on Facebook that I was going to try ridiculous induction techniques and I started to, but truthfully, I don't actually believe that these things work. I think it's possible, but not enough to put a ton of energy into trying. I made a spicy dinner because I love spicy food and I bounced on my exercise ball and rolled my pelvis around while Erik and I watched Revenge because... Easy. I didn't bother eating the pineapple because I hate the texture (but I might try today because I want to get over that anyway) and I haven't drank my red raspberry leaf tea yet because it tastes weird. Beyond some walking, I'm not interested in trying much else. I know that's he will come when he's ready, but I'm just praying that's soon.

Now that we have reached the last stretch, I am getting more and more anxious wondering about our little boy. I can't believe that physically, he is SO close to me yet I can't see his adorable face or kiss his toes. I can, however, feel a distinct foot in my side the majority of my day. I know that I'm about to fall crazy in love with a tiny human and I truly can't even fathom it. Am I going to be that obsessive mom that stares at him while he sleeps? Probably. No shame. I hope you all know that there will be an absurd amount of pictures of this little boy.

In addition to being anxious to meeting our son, I'm also excited to put my shoes on by myself, get off of the couch swiftly, shave my legs, make the bed without losing my breathe and... You get the point. I can't wait to get into a routine with little man. I know it'll take time, but I look forward to it. I can't wait until I can get a workout in while Daddy swoons over him. Seriously. I. Can't. Wait. To. Workout. I'm terrified that my skin won't snap back like it should, so I'm going to go slow and steady, hydrate and moisturizer as much as possible. Jules signed me up for Biggest Loser on base, so I have that to motivate me AND the fact that my insanely fit father will be here to visit in March and will inevitably have me working out. I think I'm truly underestimating how unfit I'll be after I give birth lol.

Enough of my ramblings, I had a lot to get out. We are more than ready for you, Trevor, so come on out!

Full Term!

Wow, we really are reaching a close on this pregnancy and preparing to enter parenthood. I never thought I'd get to this point - well I did, but... Wow. (Side note: I just made blueberry muffins and they are smelling AWESOME) Everything is ready, to my knowledge, and now it's all about waiting. Erik and I both are getting so impatient, and it seems as though my friends and family are as well. I keep day dreaming about what the day will be like. Will my water break? Will Erik be at work? Will I be late? Will it be early January like everyone is saying? I WISH I COULD KNOW! In the meantime I'm trying to keep myself busy by watching 90210 and nesting. My life.

How far along? 37 weeks. Full term!

Total weight gain: 27 lbs as of this morning.

Stretch marks? Oh, yes.

Sleep? Just keeps getting harder. Now, the baby is so heavy that my hips, upper thighs and lower back ache which doesn't equal good sleep. I'm thinking Tylenol tomorrow.

Best moment this week: nothing specific, just being full term and knowing Trevor can come at any time is great.

Miss Anything? Wearing clothing other than yoga pants and Erik's shirts. All the usual activities you can't do with a human inside of your belly. Walking normally and without pain is most missed at this point.

Movement: He's an active little thing. Erik just told me that when he was cuddling me while I was asleep, Trevor was just rolling around so much.

Food craving: Mexican food. Give it to me. It is my biggest dream to bite into restaurant style taco with authentic rice all smothered in tapatio. Seriously. Ugh.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope!

Labor Signs: Some BH and cramping, lower back pain, and the feeling like Trevor can not possibly get any lower. My upper thighs ache and it's strange.

Symptoms: just the aches and a bit of swelling.

Belly Button in or out? Idk, it's just creepy looking.

Looking forward to: My appointment Monday to see if I've made any labor progress and meeting my son!

Our Baby in Veggie/Fruit/Food Term? Watermelon.